Empty nesting at only 53 seems unimaginable. 53? Why that hardly seems possible! that is so young, you are just a child yourself, you are practically ...ok ok - so I am not young, but I am certainly not old enough to have children who are actually as old as I remember myself being just yesterday. I have had a child in my home since I was 23 and I don't like them being gone. I know some people look forward to the time when their children are gone and it's just a couple alone in the house again. I understand that. My husband is great! It would be nice to get to know him again. And maybe if my children weren't brilliant, kind, witty, and interesting, the fact that they weren't under my roof anymore wouldn't be so traumatizing. But let's face it, my children are phenomenal! I would rather have conversations with them than many of the people on the planet (that's not as big a deal as it may apper - I don't really want to have conversaqtions with THAT many people anyway.)
My oldest went to college when I was 41. She lived at home again the summer between her freshman and sophomore year when I was 42, went back to school that Augustand then never came back. Four years of undergrad here in Indiana ( Hoooooosiers!), straight to two years in Texas for grad school -she did come back to Indiana for a year and lived in Indianapolis - but 5 years ago she moved to Chicago. Okay, that's 4 hours away, but still manageable, and my son was still in the house with me until I was 48. Once again, I lucked out and he went to undergrad in Indianapolis, and I know this sounds really politically incorrect (have ya MET me?), but covid was one of the best things that could have happened to me! No reason for him to pay for an apartment when everything is online, so he came home for two years. He left for grad school this year, but we are back at IU which is still quite close. So at 52, my empty nest was only empty part of the time, and it could fill up at the spur of the moment, which was good. There were several times when I would come home from work and be surprised to find two extra cars in the drive - Happy, happy day!
Then, out of the blue, my oldest announces she is moving to Seattle. Do you know that there is no state in the continental United States further away from Indiana than Washington state? She and her fiance both have wonderful career opportunities (which is going to be great for me when I retire and someone has to take care of me), but really? Seattle? I recently turned 53 ( 55 if you read an earlier blog) and I am struggling with this a little bit. How do I have kids old enough to make such HUGE decisions? And they don't even ask my advice anymore. What the...? Is this a midlife crisis? Is this the start? Is the search for relevance what drives people to do the really stupid things they do when they reach a "certain age"?
How can a person feel so young when everything around her points to the contrary? If I am having one, my midlife crisis has been relatively minor - bought a Mini (lame), bought a Harley (NOT lame!), bought some clothes, and maybe a purse or two. No botox, no boyfriend, no career change, and no radical body transformation - hell, not even a diet. I am just loving my life right now, and it doesn't seem like I ought to be able to be so good with who I am and still be this old - midlife old. Half a century old. Empty nest old. Anyone else in this situation? Is this normal?
I think - and I am gonna catch hell for this - it may actually have something to do with those far away, left the house, we-are-doing-just-fine-on-our-own-thank-you-very-much, kids. Moms, back me up here. I have spent more than half of this (loooong) life taking care of two humans who depended on me (you too, Lee) for everything. I fed, bathed, sheltered, and clothed them. I was nurse, teacher, cheerleader, judge, jailer, ATM, and taxi. Somehow, despite what sometimes seemed to be despite my best efforts, I managed to keep them alive for 30 and 23 years respectively, and grow them well enough that when I sent them on their ways, they did fine. They - gasp - don't really need me all the time. Knowing (in my head if not my heart) that they are just fine without me is very freeing. They don't NEED me! and that is a good thing!
(I would be totally remiss if I didn't mention the husband who is - I think - adjusting to this and is doing ok with me spending a great deal of time with the unbelievable women who are helping me adjust to this new stage in my life. Girls trips are a regular part of my life, and these women are terrible influences on me! Hello? Did you read about the charades occurrence? They make me strong!)
My son had to have some oral work done recently and he was gracious enough to stay at the house for three days. He allowed me to cook and clean for him, make sure he took his medication, and pretty much attend to his every need. I was even able to convince him to stay one extra night by throwing the "I will take you grocery shopping" card at him. He is preparing to go back to Bloomington for his summer classes in optometry school (as my Insta post reflects), studying without my nagging and planning a summer trip with friends somewhere exotic. Hannah has found an apartment in Seattle, is exploring her new neighborhood, and asking when I will be coming to visit. I am at home, waiting for someone to bring me their laundry and let me take them to the grocery store. Hey kids, in case you were wondering, Mom and Dad will always have at least two beds in the house. Stop by whenever you're in the neighborhood. I can't promise that I will be here when you arrive, but the refrigerator will be full, the sheets are clean, and will most likely have a FABULOUS tan when I return!
Mrs. Reberger, your writing is really screaming to me, but even if you are having a midlife crisis (I doubt you are- you're an incredible and strong woman) I think you have yourself put together really well. You do amazing in the classroom and you say your children don't need you but you might be wrong! Everyone needs their parents sometimes Even when they're out of the house.